A holiday operator for visitors who consider scenery insufficient unless it is actively trying to kill them.
Alba X-Treme sells the Scottish Highlands as nature’s most poorly supervised assault course. Its brochures promise castles, lochs and unforgettable memories; the waiver quietly adds high-velocity grouse, territorial midgies and prehistoric aquatic pursuit.
Signature packages include armed Nessie hunts, competitive midgie wrestling and zip-lining directly above live grouse shoots. The company maintains that every activity is rooted in authentic Scottish tradition, although several traditions appear to have begun on Tuesday.
Guests are issued tartan safety equipment, a hip flask and a whistle intended to summon help. Alba X-Treme has never confirmed what the second whistle summons.
Available services
What could possibly go wrong?
- Armed Loch Ness expeditions
- Midgie wrestling weekends
- Live-shoot zip lines
- Highland survival honeymoons
“Scotland, turned up.”
— Official company statement